Loch Ness Monsters and Raining Frogs by Albert Jack

October 1st 2008

Extract


Introduction

We all love a good mystery, don't we? And by all, I mean each and every one of us are, or will be, captivated at one time or another by a decent, real-life mystery, either one of the world's best, or something on a smaller scale such as the baffling question of why the best-looking girl is going out with a loser (again). And so, after writing my last book, That's Bollocks! (on urban legends), and inspired by the legend of the Beast of Bodmin Moor (described in the book), I started looking at some other famous mysteries, ones that continue to fascinate us. The story of the Beast of Bodmin Moor is an example of an urban legend which could also be properly researched as a genuine mystery, and the same could be said for various other topics covered in the book. There is clearly a crossover between an urban legend and a full-scale mystery. Mysteries are fact-based, of course, and tend to be longer and more complicated; indeed, some, such as the Bermuda Triangle, UFOs, crop circles or the Loch Ness Monster, provide easily enough material for a whole series of books. But writing a book on just one of these would have been relatively easy. The challenge came from researching lots and lots of them and then condensing them down in a way that I know you, the reader, who continue to pay my wages, enjoy reading. And that is short, sharp informative sections you can read on the train, bus queue or while waiting to pick the kids up after you arrive at school to find them in detention. In other words, the challenge was to explain the mystery in a way you can enjoy and absorb in about ten minutes.

Inevitably some information will be missing, for which I apologize in advance. But the missing information isn't critical to the basic story; the 'core' details of the mystery in question should all be there. In some cases, such as the sections on the Bermuda Triangle, Bigfoot and crop circles, there are literally thousands of examples that I could have used of course, but, in each case, I've kept it down to just a handful.

Another challenge has been which mysteries to select out of the scores of famous stories that exist. I have tried to be as diverse as possible, including mysterious disappearances (such as the lighthouse keepers of Eilean Mor or the crew of the Mary Celeste) or deaths (Marilyn Monroe and Robert Maxell), famous crimes (the St Valentine's Day Massacre or D. B. Cooper jumping off a jet with $200,000 in cash), science (UFOs and USOs - science fact or science fiction?), history (the tale of the 'lost dauphin') and the arts (the Mona Lisa and Edgar Allan Poe), ranging from the obscure (the 'Dover Demon') to the world famous (the disappearance of Glenn Miller). For example, did you know that sometimes it rains frogs or fish, or that the Mary Celeste was nowhere near the Bermuda Triangle, despite several claims to the contrary?

And this brings me to an important point. Given that I am a fan of the unknown and the unexplained, I have not set out to be a mystery buster in this volume. Instead I just wanted to tell the story, provide some little-known detail and offer a rational explanation wherever I could. I wanted to provoke a bit of thought and conversation, but leave you to decide the answer for yourselves: does the story remain a mystery, in your view, or have you managed to piece together a theory of your own. Although, to be fair, I must admit there are some cases where I just couldn't resist presenting my own ideas and giving full rein to my scepticism, but don't let that stop you enjoying yourselves.

But the truth is that the mind can play tricks on us. We know this is the case; it is why we enjoy marvelling at an optical illusion or a magician's skilful sleight of hand. There are other occasions, however, when we don't (or won't) acknowledge that we have been deceived: we believe we can see something and, even though we know that it doesn't actually exist, we can still see it - because we want to. Perhaps that is why there are still so many sightings of the Loch Ness Monster. A lump of wood floating innocently on the surface of Loch Ness is immediately classified as a 'sighting', while the very same lump of wood goes totally unnoticed when tossed into a less famous loch nearby.

Some things remain mysterious, of course, such as unsolved crimes and disappearances (the fate of the crew of the Mary Celeste remains a mystery to this day); or ghostly goings-on (no one has come up with a satisfactory explanation for the frightening disturbances that took place in the Chase Vault). Where there is insufficient evidence a mystery will surely arise, but nonetheless we like to blind ourselves to this sometimes, preferring the reason to be strange and otherworldly than clear and matter of fact. The crew of the Mary Celeste didn't abandon ship because it was about to sink or catch fire, but because a giant squid snatched them up in its writhing tentacles, or a passing UFO swooped them away to another planet. And why should there always be a boring, down-to-earth answer for everything? A bit of mystery makes life much less dreary and infinitely more exciting.

But then there are those things that mystify us but which should really be explained such as what makes that loser so irresistible to women or why Big Brother - a programme dependent on an audience of boring people with nothing better to do sitting around in a room in a house watching the same sort of people doing the same thing on television - remains so popular. Or, for that matter, how Russell Brand gets to be on television. You see what I mean; some things really should be explained.

As I wrote this book I had several imaginary readers sitting at my shoulder. The first was you, of course, who above all want to be entertained. The rest were representatives from the groups of people who passionately believe in a particular topic, whether Bigfoot, UFOs or the Loch Ness Monster. While our views will inevitably differ, I have still tried to be as sensitive as possible. Well, in some cases I tried. But that is the reason I gave up on my efforts to investigate the Mystery of God and the Mystery of the Mind of the Modern Woman. With the first, I was on a hiding to nothing and with the second I realized it was not a subject for a ten-minute mystery. More like a ten-year mystery.

Mystery in death, as in life, has a lot going for it and there are a lot of mysterious deaths or disappearances in this book. It's true that I once replied to the question 'What would you like written on your gravestone?' with 'Here lies Albert Jack, aged 287'. But would 'Here lies Albert Jack, aged 28' have been better - tragically cut off in my prime - or maybe no gravestone at all because I had vanished without a trace? Wouldn't it be better to be remembered for dying in mysterious circumstances after your helicopter crashed into the side of Table Mountain, upside down, than for sitting in a pool of urine, covered in biscuit crumbs in an old people's home? At least that way your children would have a good story to pass on to future generations. That way others can wonder for years what really happened to you.

I don't want to appear a mystery buster, because I love a good mystery as much as the next person. But a healthy dose of scepticism never goes amiss when tackling any of the world's mysteries. For example, when researching the Bermuda Triangle I considered the question 'Who has the most money to gain or lose in the area of the Bermuda Triangle?' No, not the storyteller, nor the TV documentary maker, nor the tour operator either. It must be the marine insurance companies who would have the most at stake if mysterious forces were at work down Bermuda way. And so the first place I turned to was Lloyds of London. Such an approach, I have always found, is the best way to separate fact from fiction, myth from mystery.

I hope you enjoy these mysteries and some of the alternative theories that I have put forward. If I come over as overly opinionated from time to time, blame it on all the research and getting caught up in the subject. So, if you are a passionate believer in UFOs or crop circles, please don't take what I've written too much to heart and send Reg Presley or David Icke round to set light to my trousers.

Albert Jack
Cape Town
March 2007