Phantom Hitchhikers & Decoy Ducks by Albert Jack

November 1st 2006


The Drunken Decoy





Locals in a remote village in Cornwall were planning to celebrate the Millennium together with a big party at the only pub in the village. As most of them would have to drive to the pub from their remote homes and ordering enough taxis would be impossible, there was a real chance of many finding themselves in danger of being caught driving with excess alcohol in the systems, especially as the new local bobby was an unfriendly and vigilant sort of chap.

As expected the policeman was on duty waiting in a car park overlooking the pub and watched as the first reveller poured out at around 2am, tripped and fell flat on his face. They then observed him struggle to his feet, stagger across the car park fumbling for his keys before resting both hands on the car bonnet to try and steady himself.

He got into the drivers seat, jerked the car into gear and then kangarooed across the car park towards the exit. The local constabulary had seen enough and blocked the exit with his blue lights flashing. Opening the car door the driver crashed to the floor, was promptly arrested and taken off down to the local police station. However, on arrival he asked, quite lucidly, 'What have you arrested me for officers.'?

On being told he was under caution for driving with excess alcohol he then claimed that he didn't touch alcohol and hadn't had a drink in fifteen years. Officers refused to believe him and carried out the usual tests and were amazed to find there was not a single sign of any alcohol in his system at all.

'That', replied the driver, 'is because I was tonight's decoy. All the others will be safely home by now'. The police had no choice other than to release him.